woke up this morning with a wicked knot in my back, way uncool.  i felt like a hangover sufferer, promising, "i'll never sleep again!  i swear!"

i used to really like sleeping.  that was when i was depressed, and sleep was a relief from being unhappily awake.  now, i fucking hate it.  HATE it.  i almost always wake up feelings 1000% shittier than when i went to sleep.  at aroun 11:30, which is usual bedtime, i am feeling more or less physically worn out, but i am alert, and my brain is going, and i'm feeling perky (you know, the way chipper morning people are, only an hour before midnight).  and sometimes, i'm not even all that physically worn out.  but i dont' like sleeping late & feeling left out of the waking world's day, so i go to bed in the hopes that i'll waoveke up at a decent hour, feeling minimally refreshed.

it doesn't work that way.

when i wake up, i am tired.  i'm also sore.  i am usually conscious, underneath my sleep-unconsciousness, of hurting.  understandably, this does not provide a good night's rest.  today, though, i don't remember feeling pain while i was sleeping, although i did dream about getting hurt, but in a different spot, so ???  rose suggested i try some kind of muscle relaxant before bed, so if any of you who are more familiar with herbs have recommendations for me, let me know.

i've just finished baking another loaf of gluten-free bread.  rose commissioned this one for another gluten-free friend of hers.  apparently, rose loves the bread i bake & has been spreading the word, perhaps accidentally getting me into gluten-free business.  ironically, i haven't baked any of my own bread in months.  the last two batches had too much of a rise, and got all deflated & crumbly, and we couldn't use them for sandwiches & it sucked.  i've been really discouraged.  in comparison, gluten-free bread is actually easier!  the ingredients are more expensive, and the taste is not the same (although not unpleasant if you use a good recipe).  also, the recipe i use is significantly less healthy than i am used to/fond of.  so, i wont' be switching anytime soon.  but in terms of baking, it's easier!  you don't need to proof the yeast--just sprinkle it on top of the dry ingredients & pour the water over it!  you don't need to knead; in fact, you can't, since the "dough" should be slightly thicker than the consistency of cake or quick bread batter.    and there's only one rising time, and it's shorter than wheat bread!  with the wheat bread recipe i use, given to me by the fabulous saille, there is a 2 hour rise after kneading, then a 45 minute rise after punch-down & shaping.   with the GF recipe i've been using, you wait 20 minutes while the oven is heating, then pop it in.  so, some cool advantages to an otherwise difficult plight of being gluten sensitive.

anyway, i'm supposed to deliver this loaf, so i should go.  take care, all!