i'm still feeling a little directionless, income-wise.  i'm feeling the necessity for better income, for both my financial and emotional health.  i want to be able to do the things that are some major life directions (build or buy a house on some land that will hopefully be near my chosen or present the opportunity for them to move near me; have kids) but--i'm still at a loss for finding what i really want to do.  i've figured out a couple of options for something i *could* do, that wouldn't be soul-sucking but wouldn't be a calling either--freelance proofreading & maybe later copyediting.   i enjoy those things enough & am eager enough about creating a freelance business to see myself being able to hash out a supplemental income doing it.  (please don't take my run-on sentences & poor capitalization, misspelling or sketchy grammar in this journal as evidence of my un-prowess!)  and while it's not something that i'm totally stoked about in the "YES! this is what i was meant to do with my life!" kind of way, it's something that wouldn't make me want to attempt a head-on collision with a mack truck like working retail does.   

so, i keep exploring other avenues.  still reading some self-help-y type books, planning on taking the aptitude tests in them.  i'm seriously rolling around in my head the idea of going back to school for graphic design.  i visit the local community college website about it every few weeks, looking at course descriptions & the stuff i'd need to take for the certificate or associate's degree.  i'd be looking at going through VESID.  they would probably pay for it, which is great, but it makes me nervous because it's very goal-oriented with "we want to get you back to work" & that makes me feel nervous about exploring a path i'm not 1000% sure i want to be on for the rest of my life.  i sort of feel like VESID would pay of one thing only, like i've got one shot, and then i'm on my own & i'll have to finance my silly employment whims on my own.  and part of me says i'm making it a bigger deal than it needs to be, that i won't know until i try it & that trying something is gonna be better than whining about & fearing NOT trying it.  so....thinking.  thinking.  thinking.

in conclusion: i guess i'm making progress.  it just doesn't always feel that way.

****

i'm enjoying being a homemaker.  i keep working on our budget, feeling almost like whittling.  recently, we've switched ISPs (saves $20 a month) & changed insurance companies (saves $70 a month).  we're growing a garden this year; the plans were approved last week, so we bought the seeds & started some lettuce seedlings on the windowsill.  next week we'll buy the lumber for the raised beds & start planting things that get planted before the frost date, like peas & onions.  wish us luck!  hopefully, that will save us on grocery bills in the summer, but maybe not.  the start-up costs will be pretty high (for raised bed building suplies; soil--we're making a mix to fill the bed, can't dig here; seeds).  fortunately, all of those things will last for years if we take proper care of them. 

i've also started a newsletter for my friends where i tell everyone about local grocery deals, recipes i've found, and reminder of important community dates (our birthdays, anniversaries, events, etc.).  it's everything that i'd be telling everyone anyway, only all in one place.  i feel (happily) like my gramma, kickin' it Old Lady Style, when i am letting everyone know about the 98 cents a pound red peppers at chanatry's.  so that's good.

*****

wednesday, i took videos of nana teaching me how to make ravioli from scratch.  when i figure out how to edit them (i want to make one long video, not a bunch of short ones), i'll post them here.  until then, enjoy rosemary clooney singing "mambo italiano":